Removing the Mask
“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”
My partner and I recently had lunch with a client we’ve been working with for several months. The conversation took several twists and turns, much like his business has been doing as we help him work toward realizing a new vision for his company.
At one point, he mentioned the value of a work culture where people can show up as themselves—where their “work selves” can be congruent with their “true selves”—and the value of being authentic at work.
We discussed how so few organizations encourage this—how so many people show up wearing a mask to work.
I’ve been thinking about this conversation—about authenticity, and what a crucial part of healthy teamwork it plays. How so many people leave parts of their true self behind when coming to work. And, how our tendency to wear masks undermines our opportunity to truly connect with others.
Unfortunately, to be accepted by others, many of us adapt to our environments like chameleons and change our behaviour around our bosses, or tell people what we think they want to hear. Instead of being ourselves, we often dawn a mask to feel like we fit in.
Sometimes this can be caused by expectations we feel from our leaders to behave a certain way, or communicate a certain way… work a certain way. Or perhaps peer pressure demands we stay within certain boundaries and not stray from how things have always been done.
Whatever the reason for hiding our true self, there are two practical reasons to shed our masks.
First, to fully live our potential and bring all of who we are to what we do.
The second reason is relief. It’s exhausting to live an inauthentic life, putting on a mask—or two or ten—then taking off a few off, putting on a couple more….
How can you remove your mask?
Put your strengths to work.
Authenticity at work begins by getting clear on your character strengths—the things you’re good at and enjoy doing—and how these are valued at work. Aligned with values you hold dear, these are the things you’ll do even if no one pays or recognizes you for doing them. They are what make you feel alive and authentic.
To understand how your strengths are valued in your workplace, think about the times you’ve felt engaged, energized, and valued. These are more than likely the times you’ve been playing to one or more of your strengths. What we call operating in your genius zone. Then, start looking for ways to create more opportunities to work in your genius zone as you go about your job.
Challenge your beliefs.
Everyone, at least from time to time, hears that little voice chiding us that “you’re not good enough,” or “something bad will happen, and you won’t be able to cope,” or “you’re going to get hurt.”
That’s the primitive part of our brain attempting to make sense of the millions of bits of information coming at us every day. To cope, our brain is constantly creating stories to understand why things are happening and what will happen next. The problem is, although sometimes these stories are true, most of the time they’re not.
The next time you hear that voice trying to undermine you, take note of what’s triggering it, what it’s saying, and how it makes you feel. Then ask yourself, “Is it true? Is this the only explanation for why this happened and what might happen next?” Try to come up with at least three plausible explanations and invest your focus in the story that allows you to show up most authentically.
Display your vulnerability.
Vulnerability is the shortest pathway to connection. If we want to form deep and meaningful relationships with others, we must expose our vulnerability. This requires letting your guard down enough to let others in. Focus on the goal of connection. Remind yourself you’re not alone. Your most quirky qualities, embarrassing stories, and difficult moments have the power to connect you with others.
Pay attention to when you want to hide.
Being your authentic self begins with being brave enough to pay attention to the situations and circumstances from which you want to hide. Is it a certain topic? A co-worker? A specific task? Once you identify the various circumstances, look at what they have in common. Hiding is a result of fear. Ask yourself what the underlying fear is in each of these circumstances.
Commit to a worthy cause.
Fear drives us to hide behind a mask. Fear of censure and ridicule, or fear of not getting the approval we seek. But these fears are dramatically reduced when we commit ourselves to a worthy cause. We can associate ourselves with the worthiness of the cause. Our commitment to it shields us from censure and ridicule, and significantly reduces our need for approval.
Accept that differences are a gift.
We all have a unique set of fingerprints for a reason. Everyone has a story, and we all have a chapter we’d like to rip out of our book of life. Authenticity stems from realizing your past doesn’t define who you are now, or who you aspire to be in the future.